Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Who I AM

Is blogging “writing?”  That’s the part that’s put me off, until now, the notion that someone can simply pull off a string of words like so many sheets of toilet paper and call it the same thing as writers throughout the centuries have labored over intensively, agonizing over every sentence, every comma and semi-colon, ever conjunction, disjunction, every transition, reevaluation, sentence rhythm, flow of every paragraph or in case it doesn’t, figuring out the reason why.  Is that what blogging is?
Well, I guess it doesn’t really matter.  Whether you’re pounding out linen from flax or smashing up old milk jugs to make a new kind of polyester.  We perceive what we do, believe what we want to and mostly, carry forth the best we can.
Let me introduce myself.  I am Woman Splainer.  Named, obviously, from the recently coined term “man splainer,” which means words interpreted from a man’s point of view.  Man splainers mostly want to explain things to women that they don’t think they understand for the simple reason that they don’t know where to find the two by sixes or the fast drying bathtub caulk at Home Depot.  Man splainers are also very fond of explaining their take on things regarding sex.  They’re inclined to say things like, “see, from a guy’s point of view when a woman wears a low cut top like that…Or, “guys are more visual so they like porn a lot.  They can’t help it.”
Most women don’t give two shits about what any given man is trying to splain to them.  If they like the guy romantically, or they’re very very polite– in the way you’re polite to a very ancient person.  Beyond that women don’t much like being man splained to.
That’s not what I am about.  I have lived on this earth a very long time, well, 59 years which to a mouse would seem geologic although to a Galapagos Tortoise I’m probably just a kid, but during this time I have learned many things.  On these pages I will try my very best to Splain them to you should your mind become kerfluffled in anything regarding anything.  Woman Splainer is wise, she is all seeing.  And of course if she is really stumped, there’s always Google.